Tonight maybe you find yourself laying in bed at your parent(s) home and you realize that this is the last time you will be celebrating Thanksgiving in that house. Or maybe you find yourself sleeping in an area hotel, trying to psych yourself up for the hotel buffet because mom and dad just can't put Thanksgiving together anymore. And sadly, maybe you find yourself in a hospital waiting room, not even giving the holiday a second thought. And the only turkey you will be eating will be in the sandwich from the vending machine down the hall.
All of these scenarios are demanding emotionally. We're already reflecting on our own life's successes or failures. And now there is the new challenge of facing your parents mortality. Then, if you have children, ensuring all of their needs are met. And that can be complex. You want your kids to have great memories (social media can raise the bar and push you towards idyllic memories). Yet, you need to also prepare them for what is coming. Now none of this calculates in the demands of your career, home, and any other extra curriculars.
This all hits at a time when being "present" is very en vogue. Yet between the myriad of questions, emotions, concerns, and responsibilities it is so hard to be fully present. So now what we have done is plopped a pile of "I can't be present" shame on top of it all. We run through our mind each items that is being overlooked in our life. As each finds it place on our list the shame grows deeper and deeper.
My advice, forgive yourself and get over it. And I am speaking from experience. This time last year I was preparing to cook my mother her final Thanksgiving meal. I slept in her bed with her. And my mind was swimming because we had just learned that she had months to live and we were 3 weeks out from moving her to NYC to live out her final months with us. The list of "to do's" was huge. And the weight of it all was immense. The only way to survive was to understand some things were just not going to get my full attention.
Walking through this season will look different for others. Maybe you 'll need to a break from dieting. On the other hand, maybe some gym time to work out your frustration could be in order. Consider not attending every volunteer school event. On the other hand, maybe joining a support group might be constructive. You need to listen to yourself and adjust accordingly.
Understand, there will be mistakes made. Something might get missed and neglected Your career might have to stall for a bit. The kids might not be as academic proficient without your one on one help. And maybe you find yourself on a first name basis with the delivery people from your four favorite restaurants in the neighborhood. Who knows maybe you'll even forget to pay your cable and internet bill.
Tonight, I can tell you with great assurance that you will survive it all. You see my mother passed away on January 2. This will be our first Thanksgiving without her. And while I can confirm some things fell apart, I and my family are still standing. Sure, I gained some (yes, some) weight. And yes, my Honors level daughter was demoted to general education classes. But also yes, she will be restored back to the Honors program on Monday. Slowly parts of our life are being put back together.
So, tomorrow enjoy every last word your parents speak. Have them tell their favorite stories again. Freely, step out of the room when the emotion becomes too much to bear. Don't push those emotions down. And embrace the fact that maybe this isn't the picture perfect, must post on social media Thanksgiving that others might be having. Take a deep breathe and know that at one point or another your parent was standing right where you are today. And enjoy this Thanksgiving Day.
